Oswin's Day Out
by ClaraForever
Summary: A spin-off from my story Oswin Returns. Oswin and The Doctor have a great day out by the sea...Well, Oswin does anyway ! - For The Doctor, it's just one embarrasing (& humourous) mishap after another !


**Oswin's Day**

DISCLAIMER : I don't own Doctor Who - it & its' characters all belong to the BBC.

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The Doctor opened the TARDIS doors, and a beaming Oswin looked outside.

"Blackpool - wow, the sea !...I never thought I would see this view again !" Oswin felt tears of joy welling up in her eyes. "Thank you My Doctor !"

"You're welcome !"

Oswin's smile faded a little when she noticed the strange hairstyles the people had - especially the men. Mullets seemed to be very common. She looked to the side, and a sandwich board displayed a crumpled large poster saying "Margaret Thatcher defies the unions again !"

"Do you know what year this is, Doctor ?" Oswin said, as she looked up at The Doctor.

"Ermm...according to my screwdriver...ah, oh dear...erm...1985" The Doctor said sheepishly.

Oswin rolled her eyes "not again Doctor, we came here to visit my Mum...but I haven't even been born yet !" She gave out a sigh.

"Never mind, we can always go back...er no, forwards a little later...Hey, come on, lets enjoy a day at the sea !" piped up The Doctor.

"I suppose so" said Oswin, as she straightened the backpack on The Doctor's back. Both of them had a small backpack containing their swimwear - ideal for a day out at the beach - after visiting Oswin's mum, of course.

As the pair left the TARDIS, Oswin noticed that they had parked next to what looked like a waxworks attraction...and at the far end of the building there was a very familiar blue box standing on the pavement. Oswin felt slightly puzzled, then looked around, noticing that The Doctor had disappeared...

Panic set in, but her nerves settled, as she noticed The Doctor in his trademark tweed jacket huddling rather suspiciously around a nearby cash machine. He was looking around, before pointing his sonic screwdriver at the machine.

Oswin walked over, and glanced over his shoulder. "What are you doing, Doctor ?"

"_Please take your cash" _the machine displayed, as one pile, then another pile, then another pile of cash came out of the machine.

"Do you have a bank account on this planet ?" Oswin asked.

"No, I was just taking out a loan" The Doctor grinned. "Let's go Oswin !"

The pair were about to leave when they smelt stale clothing next to them. A scruffy looking man held out a dirty paper coffee cup towards them.

"Spare us some change, please ?" the man asked.

The Doctor looked at Oswin, then at the pile of cash in his hand, then at the man. All he had were £20 pound notes. He took one out, and was about to place it in the cup, when he asked "erm, I would like to donate £1 to you, my good man...but do you have change for a twenty ?!" The Doctor grinned.

The Doctor felt a sharp blow to his side as Oswin elbowed him.

"Oww !" The Doctor cried as he dropped the £20 note into the coffee cup. The scruffy man's mouth was wide open, as Oswin dragged The Doctor away.

"What did you do that for Oswin ?" cried The Doctor.

"Well...oh never mind, I don't think you would understand anyway...Oh, and did I tell you my friends called me Clara ?" Oswin said with a suspicious look.

"Clara, I, well, actually I prefer to call you by your proper name of Oswin...I think it's a very sweet name" said the Doctor with a serious look on his face.

"Really ?" Oswin blushed slightly.

"Oh yes" The Doctor smiled.

"OK then, you can call me Oswin then" chirped Oswin.

The pair walked hand in hand along Blackpool promenade amongst the throngs of holidaymakers and workers. The Doctor darted towards a shop selling all manner of delicious goodies. "Oooh, I haven't had a lollipop in ages, like one, Oswin ?" The Doctor said, as he pointed to a row of them on the shop counter. Oswin nodded with a smile.

Oswin chose a large round red one, but her eyes widened when she saw the rather large, and oddly shaped lollipop The Doctor had bought - and had started eating...His lollipop was red again, but banana shaped, with a bell shaped end. Two spherical blobs of lollipop were on either side at the other end, where the stick was attached...

They continued to walk together, The Doctor clearly enjoying his treat very much, licking the top, then putting the treat deep into his mouth to wrap his tongue round it. He noticed people around him - including Oswin, were acting a little strangely. Oswin seemed to be red, and sniggering slightly, while some passers-by did double-takes when they passed The Doctor. One woman passing with her child cried out "Bill, it's rude to point and stare !"

Oswin couldn't help it - she burst out laughing.

"What's the matter ?" a clearly puzzled Doctor asked.

"Erm, nothing...oh well, do you know what that lollipop you are, erm, putting in your mouth, looks like ?" a bright red Oswin asked.

"No..." The Doctor raised his eyebrows.

"It looks, ahem..." Oswin started to whisper "like you know, what you have between your legs - if you're a man".

The Doctor thought for a few seconds before going _very red. _His mouth opened, and the lollipop fell to the floor.

The Doctor was _very quiet _after that, before they heard a "ahem" behind them. It was a policeman - and he wasn't happy.

"That, erm, thing you dropped - there's a fine for littering you know !"

Oswin quickly went right up to the policeman, and showed her puppy dog expression with her big round eyes. "Please, please, Sir, he didn't mean it...he's, he's not from these parts...he's erm, a foreigner..." Oswin pleaded.

The policeman looked suspiciously at The Doctor. "Is he from Holland ?"

Oswin gave a puzzled look before realising what Holland - in particular a part of Amsterdam was_ famous_ for, then saying "well, a little further away than that..."

A few uneasy seconds passed before the officer sighed, and said "OK, then, don't do it again OK".

"Yes, officer - Thank You" Oswin said as she smiled, and yet again, she had to drag The Doctor away.

The day wasn't going at all well for The Doctor. However, he perked up, when Oswin pointed to some changing rooms on the promenade. It was time to have a swim.

The Doctor emerged in a rather tight pair of swimming pants...Then his eyes almost popped out of his head when Oswin emerged. She was dressed in a TARDIS blue bikini, and she had _a perfect body. _The Doctor felt saliva dribble out from the corner of his mouth - before he hurriedly wiped it with his hand.

"Down boy" Oswin said, as she took The Doctor's hand. As the pair approached the sandy beach below, they noticed that while there were a lot of holidaymakers on the beach, not many were in the sea that day...

Laughing, they ran down onto the beach like excited children, and almost reached the sea, when Oswin noticed something, and let go of The Doctor's hand. The Doctor went into the sea, and splashed around wildly, clearly having a great time.

He stopped, and called out "Oswin ?...What's the matter ?"

Oswin returned a sad look, and pointed to a rather large hole, no, an open drain - with railings across it, in the sea wall by the beach. A large red sign above it said it all : "DANGER, SEWAGE OUTLET".

A few uneasy seconds passed, before The Doctor raised his hand, and smelt it...

Oswin was sniggering again as she walked beside The Doctor, who was still smelling himself from time to time, as they walked down the promenade again. Both had changed back to their normal clothes...but The Doctor had taken rather a lot more time than Oswin in the changing room shower...

The Doctor frowned when Oswin simply smiled and refused to hold The Doctor's hand as she walked _a few yards parallel _to him. Oswin continued to snigger quite a bit, for quite a while...

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A/N. I used to live in Blackpool in the 1980s (Blackpool is also where the lovely Jenna-Louise Coleman was born !) - Ahh, the memories...The Doctor isn't having a good day, but Oswin is :) !...Would you like to hear more about the pair's day out to Blackpool 1985 ? Drop us a review or favourite / follow this story ! Cheers !

Red Kestrel.


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